Watch Withdrawal

I've faithfully worn my Apple watch for the last four years, as a sort of insurance against falling and being unable to get up to get to my phone to call for help. (This actually happened to a friend of mine, who advised me I should think about ways to not end up in her shoes. Not being totally stupid, I took her advice.)

I can't say I've ever come to love wearing it, but I have found enough ways it is useful (beyond being way classier than the "I've fallen and I can't get up" necklace) that I don't mind remembering to keep the thing charged and on my wrist.

About a month ago, it false-alarmed on me - thought I'd fallen when I'd done no such thing. I didn't think much of it, and just turned off the alarm and went about my day. It happened a second time about a week later, then again shortly after that. 

Third time being a charm, and seriously worried about not noticing the buzz and raising a false alarm (the EMTs have better things to do with their time), I brought it into the Apple store to see what they thought. They went through some settings, and couldn't find a problem, but trusted my account of the issue and shipped it off for repair anyways. 

I've been a whole week without it.

The first few days I really missed it. Turns out, on a day to day basis, I mostly use it to 1) find my phone, 2) set timers, and 3) track my sleep and exercise. Oh. I also use it to check the time and temperature. 

When it's not there to tell me how I've slept, did my night's sleep really happen? How can I know I've moved enough for the day if I don't have it to tell me I've closed my rings (or not)?

It didn't take long for me to get past the addiction. I like not having its weight against my wrist day and night. I feel free. I like not having the electronic leash nagging me about how much I have or haven't moved all day long; there's no need to mentally push back against feeling as if I've somehow slacked off all day if I'm not on track to close my rings. 

That said, when the repair is complete, I'll put it back on. A little reluctantly, but I'll do it. The reason I started wearing the thing in the first place - to call for help if needed - hasn't changed. It's great to be free, it's also great to take prudent safety precautions. (I'm sure my children will be happy to read this part.) 

I do think, however, it might be past time to turn off the exercise notifications. I'm moving enough. No need to strive to reach arbitrary goals. I did enough of that back in the days when I worked for a living.

I'm over it.

Finally Fall

September, in these parts, started out hot and just got hotter. It's not unusual for the temps to brush the 90's this time of year, but this time, it was as if the calendar was confused, and thought it was late July - highs near 100, lows in the upper 70s and low 80s, no rain.

The grass, and many of the trees, cried uncle and went dormant. I followed suit, retreating indoors in the AC, unwilling to face my outdoor chores.

Yesterday, finally, the heat dome cracked open. I was out in the country with a group of friends at Anita & Jerry's farm, enjoying a picnic lunch. Their place sits atop a hill, and the breeze was cool, welcoming. The food was delicious, the conversation, entertaining. It was SUCH a lovely way to usher autumn in the door.

As I walked Sylvester this morning, a cool mist softened the edges of the trees. Despite the peace of the morning, I hit panic mode for a moment or two. It's already late September, the weeds are running rampant in the garden, and the lawn needs mowing; I haven't done any fall seeding, am I supposed to fertilize again?, and I don't have time to get to it today! 

Then, I stopped and took a deep breath.

The world will not end because I didn't get to these chores at the first possible opportunity. (Chances are good it won't end if I don't ever get to them.) It feels as if the fall season comes and goes in three days, but it actually lasts for a month or so. Surely, if I calm down and sit for a moment with my calendar, I will see there is time enough to get the important things done. 

(A part of my brain insists on adding, "or not. Tomorrow is not guaranteed." "Shush! I know it's not, but that doesn't mean I can't make plans anyways!" Now, where was I?)

Time enough to stop for a moment and breathe deeply, inhaling the scent of petrichor (the smell of the earth when it rains, after it hasn't rained for a while). Time enough to release some of the tension I've been carrying in my shoulders.

Time enough to pause. 
To Stop. Breathe. Relax.

More Cousins!

(And one Aunt and one Uncle)

Since I've been in a family state of mind lately, I definitely didn't want to skip the reunion for my dad's side of the family, so this past weekend found me on the road again. (Cue Willie Nelson...)

When the others who came down for cousin's weekend left for home, Julia stayed behind so I wouldn't have to make the drive to Minnesota by myself just a few days later. (It's one of the beauty's of the flexible schedule phase of life we're both in - no more having to track PTO or worry about catching up at work after taking more than a few days off. I've been retired almost ??! seven !!?? years now, and still like that part.)

We had beautiful weather for our drive on Thursday, and the miles were shorter because, despite having spent a whole week together, we still hadn't run out of things to talk about. Some sisters are like that. It was a rare treat to be able to relinquish the wheel when we were halfway through Iowa, and just sit back and enjoy the scenery for the rest of the drive.  

Saturday was a picture-perfect day for the family gathering in a park near St. Cloud. My dad's remaining brother is in a nursing home nearby, and we detoured on our way to the big party to attend the smaller gathering at his place. His mind is not as sharp as it once was, but he seemed happy to have everyone there to talk to him. It touched my heart when, once he knew I was Vic's Janice, he also knew my home is in Kansas City. Odd, the bits which stick in our memories.

We had an impressive turnout for the reunion - about fifty of us gathered for the delicious potluck and a few hours to talk. Most of the heads there now sport gray hair. (Most, perhaps all, of the rest of us cheat.) Many of our conversations started, "Do you remember...?", or, "Do you know why...?"

We have said a final goodbye to too many of our kin - it did my heart good to reawaken memories of the part they played in our family story. I like to think that, perhaps, their spirits were in the room with us, having a reunion of their own, sharing stories and marveling at the changes in those still on this side of death's curtain. 

I learned a few new pieces of family lore, had a brownie made from Grandma's recipe. I laughed a lot, let a few tears leak out when hearing tales from those who are traversing a tough road, rejoiced at stories of healing. I received my daily quota of hugs (and then some). 

And, bonus, there was a mini-reunion on Sunday at my sister's house for some of the "kids" in the next generation. More food, more laughter, more shared stories and hugs and love all around.

Given the givens of my energy levels, it's going to take a hot minute for me to recover from the trip. It involved a LOT of driving and talking to people (which can take more energy from me than I like to admit.)

Worth it!

Cousins!

This past weekend, three of my cousins and my two sisters piled into Julia's van to head down from Minnesota to visit me. 

It's only been in the past decade or so that I've come to realize how precious and unique cousin bonds can be. We've known each other our whole lives, spent many an hour as kids playing together at assorted family gatherings. 

Our dads were brothers - Gene was a farmer, Dennis worked in finance and real estate, Vic, my dad was a machinist. Our life paths branched similarly - Rebecca worked in finance, Monica in dispute resolution, Julia in HR/Finance. Colleen kept things running smoothly at home for her husband and four kids, Cindy did the same until branching out, as they got older, to coordinate mission trips - traveling around the world as she did so. (I did software engineering.)

We've all continued to show up at the family reunions to stay connected - and I've always left those events knowing I didn't have enough time to finish learning what I wanted to know about what's up in people's lives. 

Last spring, Cindy proposed we find a time to gather at my house in Missouri so we could have some extended chill time, and I was thrilled at the prospect. So she didn't have to do the drive alone, she reached out to my sisters and a few of my other cousins to see if they wanted to come. It didn't take her long to gather the carload. (I have many, many cousins...)

We had a blast! 

We cooked some, swam some, went to visit the Nelson-Atkins museum. We talked, laughed, shed a few tears, and talked some more. We spoke of our roles within our families, the similarities of our upbringings, how family dynamics and birth order shaped our lives. 

At one point, instead of listening to the words of the conversation, I sat back and just listened to the rhythm and flow of the sound. It brought me back to my childhood - a memory of dozing in the sun in the back of the station wagon, listening to my dad and uncles talk nearby. Then, it sounded to me as if one person was talking to himself, the inflections and tone were so much alike. Coming back to the present, I realized why my mind had opened that long-neglected door - these women all sound like me. The rhythm of our speech flows from our common roots. (Perhaps it's part of the bond?) I know the cadence spoke to me of home and love. 

I am SO grateful they came on down, for the chance to spend time together; the chance to enjoy, deepen, and grow our connecting ties. 

Love Is.