Gratitude and Grief

I've been enjoying my Friday morning yoga class, so when the teacher announced she'd be hosting an extra class on Thanksgiving morning, I signed up, figuring it would be a good way to stop and breathe for a bit on what was sure to be a hectic morning.

The class was titled "Flow with Gratitude", but when we started, she, with her characteristic care for the whole person, gave us permission to not be feeling grateful. I'm not sure why her words made a difference for me, but after she said that, I was able to feel all the other emotions riding beneath the gratitude I was feeling that morning.

I found myself in touch with my gratitude that I am still here, despite my bout with cancer and that near miss on the freeway a few weeks ago. I am thankful I have people who love me, food aplenty, a warm and sturdy house to live in. I have candles to light the darkness.

But I also found a whole pile of grief I'd been trying to ignore. I miss my people who have died. I cry for the health struggles of my friends and family. News of discord clangs loudly in my feeds, and my heart hurts for people caught in the world's pervasive and invasive web of violence.

All is NOT well.

And that has always been true. With life comes death and struggle and learning and steps forward and steps back. Following the flow of the class, holding both my gratitude and my grief in my awareness, I found an elusive balance. 

Not all is well. True. But some things are well. And, perhaps, it is because both are true that I am able to be thankful. Perhaps.

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving!