Monday, December 23, 2024

Advent IV: Love

Unlike my search last week for vestiges of Joy, I felt Love in the room last night, even before I lit the last candle on my Advent wreath. 

This year, Love has been both the cause of my heartache, and its ease.

The cause, because it is only because I love, because I care deeply, that my heart hurts. If I hadn't loved, I wouldn't hurt. Simple as that. But, had I more closely guarded my heart, I would also have missed out on the best parts of life. The pain is part and parcel of the love. I don't have to like it, I just have to accept it.

The ease, because like the time I found my own cancer, Love has rallied. It has been present as I did my best to help Kate through her cancer's recurrence.

My friends have been there, walking with me as I walk with her. Helping me to figure out the next right step to take.

I am not alone. I don't have words for how deeply the knowledge comforts me.

She is not alone. Her partner, her daughter, her friends, have all stepped up to take care of life's to-do lists, so she can concentrate on healing. 

There is light in the darkness, beauty along the hard paths.

Love Is.


Kate Update: In typical Kate fashion, her body did not react well to the insult of radiation, and her skin became reactive to touch; itchy red lines would appear any and every time something rubbed against her body. Then, for reasons unknown, she developed a bad case of vertigo in reaction to the antihistamines she was taking to control the itching. She spent a week in bed moving as little as possible. But this, too, has passed. She had her last treatment a week ago, and is slowly regaining her feet. Sleeping a lot (no surprise). The dizziness has much improved, and the itches are easing. *whew*

Next: she'll start the series of shots and pills designed to shut down estrogen production in her body. i.e. instant menopause. *sigh* One step at a time.

Treatable. Yes.

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