Soon, But Not Yet

A few weeks back I wrote about the Not Yet space - the space between life as I know it today, and life as it will look once it changes directions because a something happens.

I've been back in that space this week, and I am NOT happy to be here.

Kate found a lump; her biopsy was a week ago. Last Friday, she was told the test results came back as positive. After nine years, her cancer is back. 

It's an eerie feeling, like watching a thunderstorm gather on the horizon. The storm is headed this way, you can feel the change in the air, but it's not here yet. And, to my surprise, instead of immediately getting mired in the weeds-of-doom, I've managed to hold on to my hard-learned lessons about living the days I have. Don't let tomorrow, with its unpleasant tests and sure-to-be unwelcome news, ruin today. It will come soon enough.

We didn't ignore the diagnosis this weekend, but neither did we dwell on it. We got the laundry done, went to yoga, ate yummy food. Yesterday, as is our tradition when I visit, Lexi and I kicked Kate and Edwin out of the house for the afternoon to fend for themselves, so we could indulge in a movie and some popcorn.

These ordinary moments were made precious by my heightened awareness of the coming storm.

Not Yet.