Holding Unlike Things

Today, I've been working on holding space inside for all the feelings. Again.

My momentary victory last week of hope over depression didn't automagically make the dark feelings evaporate, more's the pity. (Though it absolutely managed to squish them for a few days. I rather liked that part.)

But as the week went on, the feelings unsquished themselves, as feelings always do when I squish them, and I found myself once again trying to make sense of my place in this world.

This week, again, the news fed my personal gray cloud. More shootings. War. Recession. 

This week, again, the beauty outside whispered words of hope and renewal and goodness.

I am still working on the concept that all the feelings are ok. Me, I just want to feel the ones that make me happy and connected to Life. I don't want to have to acknowledge that the anger and depression have a valuable message for me. I just want them to go away.

But wishing the 'undesirable' feelings away hasn't worked for me yet, so this week I've been trying to hold them, to listen to the message they're trying to convey. Holding them doesn't mean I let them take all the space, as they like to do when left to their own devices. Holding them means I give them some space, but also leave space for the balancing emotions, the ones I like better.

I can know that all is not well AND I can know that there is beauty in today. One does not negate or replace the other. Both are true.

And, as much as I hate to admit it, I need the balance. All light would drive me crazy just as surely as all darkness does. I need to breathe out in order to have space to breathe in. 

Balance. I'll keep working on it.

P. S. I know I've written some version of these words before, more than several times. But clearly, I haven't finished internalizing the lesson. And, perhaps, just perhaps, someone who will read this also needs to hear the lesson again. I tried several times to get me to write on another topic this week, but kept getting stuck after the first few words. The ideas on this page are the ones that wanted out, so out they are. (It always surprises me when that happens, but I'm working to learn not to fight the muses.) Thank you for taking this path with me once again.