Happy Easter!

There was a piece by Esau Mcaulley in the New York Times this week about the beauty and the magic of Easter that spoke to my heart.

He wrote:

"Isn't it easier to believe that everyone who loves us has some secret agenda? That racism will forever block the creation of what Martin Luther King Jr. called the beloved community? That the gun lobby will always overwhelm every attempt at reform? That poverty is a fact of human existence? Despair allows us to give up our resistance and rest awhile."

Esau didn't stop there, in the darkness. He went on to write of the way Jesus "overflows with forgiveness" in his last hours. A few paragraphs later, he concluded:

"That indestructibility of hope might be the central and most radical claim of Easter - that three days after Jesus was killed, he returned to his disciples physically and that made all the difference. Easter, then, is not a metaphor for new beginnings; it is about encountering the person who, despite every disappointment we experience with ourselves and with the world, gives us a reason to carry on."

Indestructible hope. A reason to carry on. 

[deep, cleansing, breath]

Somehow, he read my mood this week. 

My days have been good. This is one of my favorite weeks of the year to be outside, with the air smelling of new life from the trees and flowers, which are growing so quickly you can almost watch the buds turn to blossoms. I've been happy to take the dog out morning and evening, turning my face to the warmth of the sun (when it's out), soaking in the beauty all around us as we do our turn around the block.

But then evening comes, and I stop my doings for the day. It is then that Despair has been seductively beckoning to me. It whispers into the quiet of my evenings, saying "Why bother? Nothing lasts. Who cares, including you, if you get better at art, or reclaim some portion of your mediocre skill on the piano keyboard? Come, sit with me, and we will stare blankly into the night, waiting for the inevitable decay of the world to make its way to your doorstep. Once it arrives, I will help you take one last step into nothingness."

I recognize this voice - Libby and I talked about it. It is the voice of Fear; the voice of the one who tries to talk you into giving up on the days you have. I have been pushing back against it, but the struggle is real.

Today, Esau's meditation helped me to break its spell.

Evil indisputably Is, but Good also Exists.

I can choose to listen to the voice of Good. To channel the determination Libby showed me before cancer ended her life. When she came face to face with the void, she did a damn good job of ignoring its wiles; she did her best to live all of her days. 

I have today. As she and I concluded in our discussions, today is the only day I have. 

Today, I will listen to the voice of Indestructible Hope, follow her path, and choose to live.