Advent Musings

I no longer profess to be part of any religion, and I found myself looking over my shoulder as I scrounged up some candles and ribbon to set up an advent wreath, as if the orthodoxy police might be peering in the window to make sure I don't sully their beliefs with my free-form faith. (I didn't see anyone there...)

My faith is free-form, but also, when it comes to the message of the advent candles, my faith is strong. I can wholeheartedly light a candle each week and whisper a prayer in the name of Hope, Peace, Joy, Love. This year, my prayers haven't yet managed to coalesce into words. But if there is a Someone out there who Listens, surely they can Hear all my heart is trying to say.

I'm glad the Hope candle comes first in the season. I need lots of Hope in my life. Each time I visit the wreath to pray for a few minutes, I whisper the words of Emily Dickinson - "Hope is the thing with feathers / That perches in the soul / And sings the tune without the words / And never stops at all." I dig through my days to find the moments where Hope surfaced, and let it linger on my mind for a time.

This weekend marked four years since Libby died. It feels like yesterday. It feels like it was another lifetime. I feel vaguely guilty because her cancer killed her and mine did not kill me, like some cosmic accountant messed up and crossed their lines. I feel grateful I am still here. It is when I am able to hold both gratitude and grief, not denying either feeling, that I am able to find some measure of Peace.

Joy came to visit this weekend in the shape of my now three year-old grandson. He loved the cookie baking process, especially the part where he got to help decorate the shape cookies. He's not quite an expert just yet. He either carefully, firmly, poked three sugar sprinkles into each cookie, leaving finger dents as proof of his diligence, or tried to sprinkle from the jar, thus burying the shape in sugar. The end result would not pass muster on a bakery shelf, but to my admittedly biased eye, they are beautiful, and it does my heart good to look at them.

Next week comes Love, and fast on its heels, the winter solstice will arrive on the 21st. The light will already have begun to return by the time we celebrate Christmas later that week.

Hope.
Peace.
Joy.
Love.

Amen.