I woke up in a grumpy space this morning. I hadn't slept well, and the only reason I got out of bed was because I had a headache and wanted to take drugs. My dreams had all circled around images of loss and loneliness; they were filled with stress and fear. I woke up with tears in my eyes, and it took a bit to convince me that the losses were just a dream. No ill had befallen those I love during the night.
After I took my headache drugs, and since I had a bit of momentum built up, I reluctantly got dressed and went downstairs to give the cats their morning drink of water and to get some breakfast and coffee. ("In that order, always in that order", say the cats, who race ahead of me down the stairs each day to jump into the sink for their morning treat.)
With food and medication, my headache started to retreat, and so I decided I had enough energy for my morning walk, sad mood notwithstanding. As I walked down the front steps, I met up with one of my neighbors, out walking her dog. We fell into step, and started exchanging life updates. When we got to the corner, we stopped and chatted with another of the neighbor ladies for a bit. The cool morning air and cheerful company proved to be good medicine, and as I moved on after dropping my neighbor at her front door, my outlook started to brighten.
Down and across the street to the park I went, my mood improving with every step.
Soon, I was questioning why I'd ever been grumpy at all. Here I was, it was Monday morning and I'd gotten to sleep in. Again. When I did get moving, I didn't have to rush through my coffee. When I met up with the neighbors, there was no need to rush through the chance meeting - no Monday morning Zoom call was waiting, there was no boss to wonder why I hadn't yet gotten online.
Nope. It was just me and the cool, clean, October morning air. Though the sun was bright, the light was softer than it had been just a few weeks ago. The trees in the park were starting to get dressed in their fall colors, and most of the people I met on the path looked like they were also enjoying the day.
I stopped several times just to breathe and enjoy the beauty of the trees, the feeling of the air quietly caressing my hair and skin, the gentle warmth of the sun on my face.
By the time I got home, my grumps had (thankfully) dissipated for the day.
I lost my grumps, but I never did find my ambition. My to-do list is still languishing on the table, waiting patiently for me to look at it and choose an item to tackle. Eh. I think it's not happening today. (Except for this blog post. This, I'm getting done. That counts, yes?)
Today is a day to stop and appreciate ephemeral beauty. There are not so many of these magical October days that I want to waste one being task-focused and grumpy and lamenting all the hard things in my life. I mean, the hard things are there, but so is the magic - and since I have the ability to choose where I want to focus my energies, today I chose to stop and notice the magic that Is.
I'm thinking I made the right choice.
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