Just Say No to Fear

We got the news last week that Libby was back in the hospital with a clot in her lung, a pulmonary embolism.

Straight to Google I went - one of the top three causes for pulmonary embolisms is having surgery for brain cancer. **sigh**

Scary, yes.
But, but. But she got the care she needed in time, and after a few days in the hospital, they sent her home. At first, she was highly uncomfortable, but per her last message, the last day there she was just kind of bored.

I like bored. Bored is good. Bored means that no one is worried about how things are going to turn out. Bored means that you're not in a lot of pain, and your brain is awake enough to be seeking something to do. Bored means you can think. Bored is good.

While the return of her cancer first threw her, along with the rest of us, into a panic, she re-found her center after the surgery. Her mantras are mine: Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one. All roads lead to the same place. All things living die in their turn.

At first, I was so angry at her cancer. But then, I stopped. Cancer is not the enemy; it is just a messenger. Fear. Fear is the enemy.

Cancer can't stop joy, but Fear can.
Cancer can't stop me from living the days I have as well as I can live them, but Fear can.
Cancer can't stop me from seeing the beauty I've always been able to find when I look, but Fear can.

And while I can't do anything about Cancer, I can do something about Fear. (The one thing I can control in this world is my reaction to what happens in the world around me.)

When I can deny Fear its power, it's ever so much easier to see the Good around me.

I don't like the road Fear takes. It is dark and scary and large spooky things jump out at me unexpectedly from behind rocks and trees, making my heart pound and my breath quicken. The road is shadowy, indistinct, out of focus. Sight lines are limited, it is hard to see where I am going.

When I manage to tell Fear to take a hike, the going is ever so much easier. It's actually the same road, but when you're not traveling with Fear, the light is better. The shadows are just shadows. Because I am better able to focus, I'm less startled when the large spooky things lunge at me. I'm able to look at them and react (more) calmly and rationally. I can breathe. I can see the beauty in the rocks and the trees. I can see more clearly the road ahead.

I'm all about clear roads.
Good Is.