NO!!! (yes)

My gut has been expecting the news. Given that it has been six months, my heart was starting to hope, just a little, that the news would never come.

My gut won. (No!)

Libby's cancer is back. It metastasized to her brain. (No!)

I've been crying much of the day. For her girls, for her, for her husband, for myself and my siblings. (NO!!!!!)

She will start another round of doctors on Monday, to see what, if anything, can be done to give her more good days.

I read her email first thing this morning; talked to her for just a bit later on in the day. Her cancer is taking her words, her memory, her fine motor skills. (NO!)

But.

It's not touched her sense of humor and it can't.  (yes)
It's not touched her love for life, and she won't allow it to.  Ever.  (yes)
It's not touched her determination to live all the days she has.  (yes)

In her Christmas letter this year, she wrote, "Even though it's blunt, one of my favorite mantras throughout this period was, 'No one gets out alive.' It reminds me to be present, to say 'yes' to the ice cream and cake, 'yes' to the time it takes to burn them off, 'yes' to the outings with my honey and my girls - 'yes' to life. We don't know how many days we have - I am not going to waste them on worry and fear! God has blessed us richly and I, that is, we, are healed through the power of his love."

On days like this, when my words fail me, I lean on other's wisdom.

For all that has been, Thank you.
For all that is to come, Yes!
          - Dag Hammarskjold

Yes.
anyways.