Spinning

Quercas Palustris

My head has been spinning this past week.

There's a lot of pressure at work. We have a big deadline coming up this Friday, and the pressure is on. For the past few weeks, especially when I was out in Seattle, I was working all the hours I could work.  I'd start at 8, and go until my contacts cried "Uncle!", usually around 7-ish. We're close, and the team I'm managing is going to deliver - but it's still a lot of hours, and I'm reaching the end of my reserves.

The debate Sunday night got me going. It's almost as if Donald Trump had a remote viewer into my past. With his glowering, his interruptions, his stalking Hillary as she spoke, and the revelations of the weekend's leaked film, he was the perfect embodiment of the men in my past who groped me, dismissed me, tried to intimidate me. I swear - I thought I was past all that, but it took me a good while to banish their ghosts from my head once the debate finished. He resurrected them, and I do not thank him for that!

And, last but not least, Libby. I've been trying to send her love and support and keep all my worrying to myself, thank you very much. But, even though I've been through it, cancer is scary stuff. Scarier in someone you love than in yourself. Her 1st chemo session is tomorrow; I talked to her today. She's resigned, ready to get this show on the road. Good, bad, and ugly, at least the waiting will be over.

Breathe, I kept telling myself. breathe, dammit!

In the park where I walk is a lovely old tree.  Majestic - Quercus Palustris (sounds so much grander, than Pin Oak, no?) has reigned in her spot for many years. She is deeply rooted, a beautiful survivor. Yesterday, I stopped for a bit, and leaned against her trunk. I borrowed some strength from her roots, some calm from her canopy. Just a few of my pent-up tears fought free and trickled down my cheeks. She didn't care. She loaned me her strength; let me lean without comment.

Life is not easy; it leaves scars and it always ends. But it is all I know, and I fiercely embrace it.

Libby Lizard Elizabeth Elephant Leonard the Last, in line, licking lollipops late at night (don't ask. what you don't know won't hurt you.) - my thoughts and prayers are with you...  Peace...