Do Not Be Afraid...

Mesa, Arizona

As is often the case with me, fear was lurking beneath my anger of the other day.

Fear of pain.
Fear of hospitals and operations.
Fear of the changes to come in my body and psyche.
Fear the cancer has spread in the time between when I found it and when they will operate on Wednesday.

I woke up at three this morning, tense all over, ready for flight and just about in tears.

Then, one of the songs we used to sing in church started circling through my head.  'I will come to you in the silence.  I am hope for all who are hopeless.  Come and rest in Me.  I will bring you home.  I love you and you are Mine.  I have called you each by name.  I love you...' (Complete lyrics below)

Now the tears started - but they were healing tears.  My fears were calmed.  God-Who-Is was with me and gave me Peace and rocked me back to sleep.  'I love you and you are Mine.'

To my surprise, Peace was with me still when I got up this morning, and vestiges of it remain with me still, after my busy day.  Four more days; then at least I will have some sense of what is to come, and I certainly have enough to keep me occupied until then.

The new carpet, bed and mattress were delivered today, and we bought and set up a new futon.  Tomorrow, Joe has organized a crew to move a bunch of my stuff from the storage unit into my new home.  (It will take some careful selection - I have a lot more stuff than will fit into a one bedroom apartment!)  Monday and Tuesday I run errands and work on excuses to not go look at cars.  Wednesday, surgery...

I must remember to Breathe!

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You Are Mine - David Haas

I will come to you in the silence
I will lift you from all your fear
You will hear My voice
I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am near

I am hope for all who are hopeless
I am eyes for all who long to see
In the shadows of the night,
I will be your light
Come and rest in Me

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are Mine

I am strength for all the despairing
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame
All the blind will see, the lame will all run free
And all will know My name

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are Mine

I am the Word that leads all to freedom
I am the peace the world cannot give
I will call your name, embracing all your pain
Stand up, now, walk, and live

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow Me
I will bring you home
I love you and you are Mine