Living Now

I'm working with KU Med on this latest mortality awareness trip I'm taking, and, thus far, the people there have been wonderful. 

Even though I've been down this road before, I wouldn't know how to begin to coordinate the care I need, especially given the admittedly scattered state of my brain. I have been grateful to find out I don't need to know. From the time the biopsy results came back as positive and I was assigned Jessica as my nurse navigator, I've been caught in the net of the hospital referral system. They know who I need to talk to, and the right people have been calling to get appointments onto my calendar. (Or, in a couple of cases, where the appointments are harder to snag, they just put them on there unilaterally, letting me know I could cancel or move them if need be.) 

So far, I've seen a breast surgeon and a medical oncologist - the meetings were far more informative and productive than I could have imagined they'd be, given that we don't yet know the scope of what I'm facing. Next week is the radiation oncologist, then the scans which will tell me where the boundaries of my treatment will lie. (I should have a better view of the lay of the land early the following week.) Still waiting to hear from the plastic surgery team - I know they have a role in this somewhere.

So far, my insurance has not balked at any of the tests or appointments - and given the nightmare stories I've read, this is no small blessing.

Word of my returned illness has begun to spread without my help, for which I am grateful. I do want people to know - I need their help and support - but it's so hard to watch their faces when I share the news. No one wants this for me.

I've mostly stuck to my guns, and have not let the news-to-come ruin the days-I-have. 

I do have to laugh at some of my nesting choices. That quilt, whose parts have been in my closet for at least two years already? NOW it needs to be assembled?? !! 

That's OK. There are worse ways to spend my time - when my hands are busy embroidering the daisies I've chosen to hold the front to the batting and quilt back, my brain relaxes. When I focus on the task at hand, I let go of my concerns.  When I put it that way, perhaps I should give my gut a little more credit, eh?

One step at a time, this, too, shall pass.