Extra Credit

I sure hope that Someone, Somewhere is keeping a ledger of my extra credit points.

I mean, I try to be a good person, to live a good life. And. I often don't live up to my own ideals, let alone the expectations of the greater world.

Having despaired of making great changes in the world, I work to change small things. I pick up trash as I walk, I toss the neighbor's papers from the sidewalk up closer to their houses, to save them from having to walk the flight of stairs down to the street. I pull the tangleweed within three feet of the walk from all the beds along my walks. (Hmmm... Does it still count as a good deed if I take inordinate pleasure in the task? I harbor an irrational dislike for the choking vine, which can and does grow over 6" a day, and I love interfering in its progress.) These things come easily to me.

But to convince myself to go above and beyond (still on my small-w world scale), I need extra motivation. 

"None of the other people out walking think they have to stop to pick up the bits of broken glass from the sidewalk in the park!" "Do I really have to pick up this pile of SOMEONE ELSE'S doggie doo from the middle of the sidewalk??" "Who throws their bag of dog poop in the sewer grate? Do they think the fish somewhere downstream would like a toxic plastic snack? No, I don't want to pick it up!!!"

I grumble, I whine, I pout. But, I usually do the deed anyways, telling myself I get extra credit points for completing the task.

I'm not sure why this works to motivate me. I'm not a believer in the Santa Claus version of God - the bearded dude up high keeping track of when I am naughty and when I am nice. I don't think my doing good but distasteful deeds will get me into the harp-playing section of heaven.

But I do believe in Good, and in Evil. My world spins ever faster; it feels as if the center is a bit wobbly and out of control. I seek balance in my life. I seek, on my small scale, to contribute to the presence of Good in the world. 

And if a few cosmic extra credit points are what it takes to get me to contribute to Good, so be it. There are worse motivators.