Three Years???

Fall has arrived. It's a subdued season here this year, the colors muted by lack of rain. But I have still been enjoying the cooler days, the way the angled October sunlight highlights the shadows. 

My calendar tells me it's been three years already since I last pursued gainful employment. My Covid-addled brain (even though I've avoided suffering through a bout of the disease, it's still managed to mess with my mind) doesn't see how that is possible. I've clearly entered a time warp. It's the only logical explanation for the fact that it seems as though I last walked out the door of the office about six months ago.

If I think about it, I know where the time went. Year One was working on the castle. The first half of Year Two was spent in Covid isolation, the second half, peering out my windows to see if it was safe to go outside yet. And in Year Three, I've finally started to figure this retirement gig out.

I partially blame Covid for the fact I'm still (??!!?) struggling to find my balance in a world where I get to choose how to fill all of my days, not just the weekends, holidays, and occasional breaks from work. I mean, this is something I dreamed of, longed for, back in my days on the work treadmill.  How is it that I'm still seeking balance three years after I set myself free?

The good news part is the part where that sought-after balance is much closer since I joined the gym this past summer. It turns out that I need people, even if they're just casual acquaintances, as a regular part of my days. I'm not sure how the link works, but since adding the classes there to my schedule, I've begun to break my internet black hole addiction (again). I've begun to channel my inner Vic (that's my dad), so that some days find me happily puttering away; no real goal in mind but to see if I can get this thing in my hands to match the vision in my mind. Some days, I even manage to make progress on the items languishing on what I've begun to think of as my wish list (as opposed to my to-do list).

Some rare days, I feel the same sense of freedom I did back when I was wandering the country in my camper van. It's a good feeling, filled with a sense of possibility and wonder. 

I like those days. They give me hope.