Goodbye, Uncle Jerry

Jerry John
November 2, 1932 - November 24, 2021

Another of my dad's brothers has died. (Eight of the nine children in his family were boys.) Uncle Jerry is the third to die this year, leaving just Eugene to hold down the fort here on earth.

I took a detour and went up to West Virginia to visit Uncle Jerry and Aunt Katie while on my camper van trip. While I was there, he decided I was old enough to hear some of the darker family stories - about how Grandpa would get in a bad temper when drinking. How my dad, seven years older, would melt into the background to avoid being the target of his dad's anger. How Jerry had the opposite reaction - he'd stand up, yell back, and presumably take more than a few licks of the belt for his trouble.

It was hard hearing, but I'm glad he told me the stories.

I can't begin to know how that unhealthy family dynamic warped his soul, but I do know that, while he loved his children, he also ended up having conflicted relationships with them. He could be a hard man to love - but he and Katie (OK, I gotta be honest, I give Katie much of the credit for the way their kids turned out) raised four great kids.

His Catholic faith was an important part of his life. He was pretty sure he was on the one path to eternal life, and did his best to convince everyone he met to follow the same road. He could be abrasive about it, and when I talked to him, I worked hard to keep the topic from turning to religion.

These past few years, as dementia took his mind away, I hear tell he mellowed. A lot. He let go of his anger, his unyielding certainties. His smile became unguarded, open. He became an easier person to love. 

His youngest daughter, my cousin Gina, lived not too far away, and made sure her parents were well cared for. She and her sister Theresa were there with him as he died - she posted a video of the two of them singing his soul on to heaven. I watched his funeral service dry-eyed, but tears flowed freely as I watched the two of them holding his hands and singing one of his favorite hymns.

Rest in Peace, Uncle Jerry.

I hope you are with your Jesus now; that you've made peace with your dad. I hope you, your parents, Aunt Florence, and your brothers are all sitting around in a big circle, busy catching up on all that's happened since you last saw each other. 

I hope your heaven is all you hoped it would be.