That morning, I hadn't sleep much at all the previous night, but still had to get up at dark-thirty to get to the hospital. I had to use just Dial soap to cleanse myself, and then was asked not to use any lotion, thus setting me up with an irritating full-body itch which unsuccessfully tried to distract me from my fears as I waited for my surgery to begin.
This morning, instead of having to drag my scaly, scared body to the hospital for surgery to cut off my boobs, I scheduled a massage, to soothe tight muscles and celebrate the fact my cancer is still NED (No Evidence of Disease).
I am grateful I am still here to breathe the chill February air, to walk in the sunshine (yes, the sun considerately decided to show its face this afternoon). Since the time I groggily woke after five hours of surgery to the wonderful news that they had found no evidence of cancer in my lymph system, I have been gifted with eight years of new moments to tuck away in my memory book.
A much easier day all around, I must say.
And yet.
In the last two weeks, I've gotten hard news three times; the latest call came just this morning. One cousin from each side of the family and a good friend from Colorado have died from their respective cancers. Rest in Peace - Mary Pat, Jackie, and Phyllis. *heavy sigh* *tears*
Why them, why not me?
You'd think I'd have learned by now not to ask that question; to know there will be no answers forthcoming other than the sure knowledge that, one day, I will follow their path past all I know and finally see what lies beyond. *another sigh*
Stop. Breathe.
The day when I find out will come for me, but that day is not today. (so far, so good, at least...)
Today, I am here and alive and well.
Today, I am not taking my health for granted.
Today, I am grateful for the days I've had.
Today, I am looking forward to the days I will have yet to come.
Happy Cancaversary to me!
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