Wait, Nana, Wait!

I'm trying so hard to be patient.

Baby Joe is still a NICU rockstar.

His IV is out, he's now getting all his nourishment from his feeding tube and the bottle.  (He's working on learning how to breastfeed - he's almost got the concept down, but doesn't have enough energy to sustain the feeding. All in good time...) He's still in the incubator, but each day, he does better at regulating his body temperature. He's graduated to wearing itty-bitty clothes.

I still haven't seen him again. I ALMOST made it out there last week while I was in the area for another appointment, but my stupid boss scheduled a stupid meeting, and so I had to run home. And then, and then! I got back to work to find he'd pushed the meeting back an hour. I had time to stop by the hospital after all! major disappointment.

But that's OK - I'll see him this weekend; there's plenty of room in my days to be able to spend some time with him. Even if I can't hold him - at the rate he's growing, it won't be too much longer. Another week or so. I can wait.

In the meantime, summer is moving on.

Already, the mornings are dark, the sun is gone by eight in the evening. We'll have a few more days of heat, but according to the forecast, cooler weather will be ours by the middle of next week.

I see the early signs of fall. The mint blooms are past, the stalks already turning a dusky green. In the last two weeks, I've started to see Monarchs on the bright orange and yellow flowers of the volunteer plants around the edges of the yard - the ones who are supposed to be in the butterfly garden, but have decided to, instead, grow where they want. The trees have not yet begun to turn colors, but I know it won't be long.

I am restless, as I have been each year since 2011, the fall of my camper van journey. My heart remembers, and yearns for the freedom of those unforgettable six months. (though, it can do without repeating the way it ended. I'm not ready to face cancer again; not sure I ever will be.)

But still.

My days are good. I love being able to work from home most days. With the time and frustration of my commute out of the picture, I actually have some energy at the end of my workday, and have slowly started to catch up on my household todo list.

OK - some days I work around the house. Some days, I sit on my porch swing and contemplate the state of my mini-kingdom, aka: the back yard.

I enjoy the beauty of the flowers; watch for the hummingbird who lives nearby to fly by for dinner. I review my day, try to suss out my plans for the day when my days will again be mine to schedule as I wish. I stop for a minute, remember to breathe.

Stop.  Breathe.  Relax.

I don't have to be in the camper van to remember the beauty of that lesson.