Brett Kavanaugh, on the other hand, is a bit harder for me.
I've more often been on the receiving end of drunken and insensitive behavior than the dishing out, but I can try to get there. The news coverage on this has turned him into someone so one-dimensional, and I know no one-dimensional people. I'll admit - I am angry at him because he is a self-centered rich frat boy, and he got away with it.
But what if he didn't? From what I read, sometime between 18 and 53, he woke up and realized there was another road he could take. His wife, his daughters. As a judge, does he take pride in trying to be just, to be fair?
How does a young man feel inside when he wants to be liked, and the road to popularity lies through drunkenness and conquest? How does it feel when you wake up one day to realize drinking more and more alcohol only makes the empty hole inside bigger instead of filling it?
When I read the account of his testimony before the Senate, it rang with all the convincing truthfulness of Bill Clinton saying, 'I did not have sex with that woman.'
He may not remember that exact night but I'll bet my bottom dollar he remembers one (or more) like it. And he'd not want to admit it, even to himself, because it doesn't fit with his image of the man he wants to have been, the man he's tried to become.
Slowly, as I've pondered this image this week, I've come to feel a (small) measure of sympathy for him. He followed the rules as he was taught them. No penetration means no rape, and if I was drunk, I wasn't responsible for what I did. It was all in good fun.
Wasn't it?
How devastating to have a foggy ghost from your past resurrect itself and try to derail your life just when you've reached for the stars, been offered the job of jobs in your profession. No wonder he ranted and cried and went off the rails.
No, I don't think he's gotten off scot-free. He has to look in the mirror each morning. His long-buried sins have come out of the past to haunt him - and the entire country knows about them. He's not allowed to reflect and atone on the down-low. If he wanted the job, and he did, the only way through was to bluster and scream, deny and accuse in return.
He is now a Justice on the highest court in this land, but I can't believe his conscience is clear. I can't help but wonder if the dichotomy will eat at him, or if he will find a way to quiet the small, still voice.
This much I do know - I don't envy him, and am grateful I don't have to walk in his shoes every day.
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