Superpower

I used to be skeptical; I didn't believe in superpowers. The Hulk, Spiderman, Wonder Woman - I thought they were figments of imagination. Then, I heard rumors about each of us having a superpower of our own. I scoffed. No way. Not me.

But then, then I began to pay attention to inexplicable events in my everyday life.

I'd be standing in line at the grocery store, a line carefully chosen based on a complex point system which takes into account the number of items in the cart, the perceived distractibility and people-watching interest points of the cart driver(s), and the number of small children with the cart driver (among many other shifting factors), and is supposed to help me determine which is the shortest path to freedom.

My system worked for many years, but then its effectiveness dropped precipitously.

I'd be standing in line behind a guy with one loaf of bread, and a jar of peanut butter, and the lady with the cart full of assorted lunch meats and one of each kind of fruit would be checked out ahead of me because the bag around the bread would be found to have a tear in it, and he'd saunter slowly away to select another one, leaving the register tied up because the peanut butter had already run through.

I'd peruse the lines, and pick the one with two people, each with only a few items, only to have the first person decide they want to pay for their items in small change, which must be laboriously fished, coin by coin, from the depths of a cavernous handbag.

I'd pull up behind the small Honda in the toll lane, and they'd drop their quarter on the ground and because it's the only one in the car, have to take five minutes to crawl beneath the car to retrieve it.

"That's it!", I decided. "That's it!"

It's a little known derivative of the power to stretch time - I have the superpower to be able to stop checkout lines. I know, I know, you find this hard to believe, but it's true. I have story after story to prove it.

I generally keep knowledge of my power to myself. I mean, it would be so sad to see the faces of the people in front of me in line fall in disappointment just because I strolled into place behind them. Who knows what chaos would ensue if they all jumped to other lines? - I'm pretty sure that would be the moment I'd place my first item on the belt only to have the store's power cut out and ALL the lines would stop dead.

No, no, it's best to keep it to myself. But it gives me comfort to know I can change the world in my small way, every time I go to the store.

When I choose Lane 5, the people in Lanes 3 and 6 find themselves run through by the senior super-checkers, who can scan an entire cart in 45 seconds.

When I get behind the scowling meanie in Lane 2, I get to watch the steam rise from his ears while he watches the cashier carefully count each ear of corn in the bag to make sure the shopper got the count correct (Yes, ma'am, you were right - there are 38 ears of corn in your eight bags.  Lessee, that's today's special, and at seven for $4.50, that comes to....), while the mother with the cranky baby in Lane 4 scoots clean out the door.

I've heard it said, 'with great power, comes great responsibility', so I do my best to shepherd my power wisely. And you, my friend, would be wise to take heed and choose another queue should you see me standing, waiting patiently, in line somewhere.