I learned some things about myself in the camper van. Among the things I learned was that it isn't the cold that troubles me this time of year as much as it is the darkness. I was trying to run away from it all that winter, but it all followed me. (It all has a way of doing that, I've noticed.)
I tried - went as far south as I could go and still remain in the U.S. It was warm enough, but when the sun went down at five and I had several dark hours before bedtime, some of the evenings were cold despite the temperature.
Since then, I've tried to be more aware of the light. It's light in the morning when I drive into work and I stop for a moment before getting out of the car to appreciate it. Some mornings it's easier than others - we had a long stretch of cold gray days to start this winter; cloud cover heavy enough that the sun was barely visible as a brighter spot in the sky.
I've always loved the cool-washed tones of a winter sunset. But it's already dark most days by the time I leave work.
So I take heart in the turning of the days. The year is turned; the light will not continue to disappear. It will not leave us alone in the cold dark. Tomorrow the light will last a bit longer. It returns.
I'm trying to hold this thought close to my heart as I contemplate the trials the next few months will bring as I do what I can to help my daughter through this bout with cancer. (She's waiting on some test results to decide on a treatment plan; we should know more in a week or so. The good news in the bad news is still that she found it early and it's treatable.) I need to remember the cycle of life; that this, too, shall pass. Trials come and trials go, but God always Is, and the beauty is always there if I but remember to look for it.
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