Like Kate, I have gotten a different answer than most people whose cancer returns. The cancer is treatable.
There is one tumor, no obvious lymph node involvement. No sign of metastasis in my bones, liver, or lungs (the usual places this sort of cancer spreads).
They will do surgery to take out the lump, followed by radiation to discourage any remaining cancer cells from multiplying. Once the pathology on the tumor comes back, I will meet again with the oncologist to discuss further treatment options. I'm sure there's a something in the offing, but without the pathology information, given this is a recurrent cancer, there is not one clear path forward.
Breathing.
Appreciating my people. This is a tough path, no two ways about it, but I will not be walking it alone. My friends and family have been reaching out, offering to help when needed. They tell me this is not the time to be tough and power through.
Accepting help is hard for me. For many years I thought I was on my own. I believed I was supposed to get through the hard things ALL BY MYSELF! (There are reasons I identify so well with my inner toddler.) I found out otherwise 13 years ago when I first had cancer. The message was clear - we love you; we are here. Please, let us help you. It was and is humbling, heartwarming, healing.
My efforts to not let tomorrow's troubles ruin my todays have been going better than I'd have thought possible. I'm not in denial about what's ahead, but have managed to mostly stay in the "Not Yet".
Today, I don't hurt. Today, I am not recovering from surgery or exhausted from radiation. Today, the sun is shining and I woke to the music of a cardinal singing outside my window.
Today, I am here.
That's all any of us gets.
