Friday, January 16, 2015
We wait to see what they say at Mayo Clinic when she goes in for a second opinion next week.
We wait for the results of the genetic testing.
We wait for surgery to be scheduled based on the results of the above tests.
I'm not very good at waiting, but at the same time, I rarely wish for time to be fast-forwarded. These next few months are an exception.
I know she will be fine at the end of the process, but I want to blur past the next month of waiting, the day when I will watch my daughter who feels perfectly fine show up for surgery that will scar her mind and body, the weeks of recovery, the weeks of radiation that will make her feel worse just when she begins to feel better. I want to skip the part in the middle and jump to mid-May when she will be ready to get back to her previously scheduled life.
I don't know any parents who deal well with their children's suffering, no matter how old those children are when illness strikes. I don't want to watch her hurt. I don't want cancer to make her cry. I don't, I don't, I DON'T!
I feel so helpless. I can't fix it, I can't help to make it better. All I can do is try to be there when she needs me; to give her space when she doesn't - and to tell the difference between the two. (thus far, that's been a bit tricky...)
Can we please just make it be June now?