Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Slippin' Away

James Robb State Park, Colorado River
It doesn't work.  As much as I try to hold the beauty of these days tightly in my hands, it slips through my fingers.  I want to hold on to these times.  Like trying to hold onto water, sand and children, it just doesn't work.  But I want it to.

This is different than the last time I was out in the camper van.  Then, I was content to see the beauty, but to let it pass by, knowing it would remain in my heart and mind's eye.  I think the difference lies in the stresses and strains of the past eighteen months.  My cancer is in remission, but one of the side effects of the disease is an acute awareness that I may never get a chance to pass these ways again.

Great Salt Lake, UT
I am more anxious, fearful even.  I'm not used to me being fearful.  In Colorado, one of my friends had to talk me into not taking the freeway.  That is SO not me.  I spent six months avoiding the freeways.  So, I gathered my fear into a tight bundle, and took the back road out of Colorado Springs and into the mountains.  The way up was fine.  Neither my van nor I could breathe well in the thin air, so I just slowed down and watched the road as well as the scenery. 

Then I crossed the summit, and started down.  My fears got into high gear, but the camper van and the rest of me were just fine.  We downshifted and took it slow, especially around those 10 MPH curves.  I slowed down to five, and let the people behind me fume.  (I also pulled over as soon as I could to let them pass...)  By the time I got to the
Bonneville Salt Flats, UT
bottom of the hill, my fears had quieted - whatever they were.  I'm just sorry I had to do all the driving - it's downright dangerous to take pictures and drive (talk about distracted driving!), so I need to be content with the scenes in my memory.

Also unlike my last trip, my time on the road is tightly bounded, so I went quickly (for me) from Colorado to California and my long-awaited date with a hot tub on the Sonoma coast just north of San Francisco.  I went from the mountains of Utah and across the first part of Nevada in just over a day.  The following day, I drove eleven hours (too many!) to get here to the coast.  It was raining for much of the trip across Nevada; not what I was expecting given my reading and the arid landscape.  It kept raining for the first two days here -
Elko, NV
unusual for the season, but it finally moved on this morning.  (I didn't mind the rain - the mist is beautiful, too.) 

Now, the sun and fog are playing tag across the rocks below.  One minute you can see a ways out to sea (I have yet to see the horizon), the next, you can barely see the birds perched on the rocks. 

Pacific Ocean, CA
Stop.  Breathe.  Relax

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