|Spring! Loose Park, Kansas City|
But, I have to admit, it wasn't as fun as buying new cars has been in the past. Mostly because, as I was signing the paperwork, I heard a faint, but definite click.
It was the door closing on my camper van dream.
To paraphrase a post I saw on Facebook the other day, "When one door closes, another always opens - but the hallways can be a killer!"
I'm back in a world of rent and car payments. Of work and getting up to the alarm. **sigh**
As much as I know it's my new reality, there's a part of me still resistant to giving up on the dream I was living. I was happy there, dammit!
I tell me it's not all bad. And it's not.
In many ways, I got off lightly, given the givens. No radiation, no chemo - and a low chance of remission. Not zero, it's never zero with cancer, but it's low. Knowing what others have gone and are going through, the loss of the girls seems a small price to pay.
I was given clearance to exercise again during my visit to the doctor on Friday. I let me skip yesterday while my chest muscles settled down, then this morning, I got up and ran my katas. They were a bit unsteady and slow - but my muscles are happy for the first time in weeks. (Exercise is a tough habit to kick cold-turkey, and they had NOT been happy with me.) I'd woken up in a kind of grumpy mood; I felt slow and sluggish and blah. Once I'd finished the exercise and stretching, the anti-depressant properties had kicked in - I was much happier, and able to face the day. ** happy sigh **
and even had fun. Had a great delayed birthday lunch with a good friend; the weather was beautiful; the car really is fun to drive - it's like driving a go-cart!
Soon, I'm hoping to have the energy to look up and attend one of those cancer survivor support group meetings. I've been coping with a lot of changes this year; perhaps I can pick up an idea or two; ideas to help me find my way down the hallway to the open door I know is there somewhere.