Sunday, March 25, 2012


Spring!  Loose Park, Kansas City
I picked up my new car yesterday.  It's cute and gets great mileage and I think I'll really like it.

But, I have to admit, it wasn't as fun as buying new cars has been in the past.  Mostly because, as I was signing the paperwork, I heard a faint, but definite click.

It was the door closing on my camper van dream.

To paraphrase a post I saw on Facebook the other day, "When one door closes, another always opens - but the hallways can be a killer!"

I'm back in a world of rent and car payments.  Of work and getting up to the alarm.  **sigh**

As much as I know it's my new reality, there's a part of me still resistant to giving up on the dream I was living.  I was happy there, dammit!

I tell me it's not all bad.  And it's not.

In many ways, I got off lightly, given the givens.  No radiation, no chemo - and a low chance of remission.  Not zero, it's never zero with cancer, but it's low.  Knowing what others have gone and are going through, the loss of the girls seems a small price to pay.

I was given clearance to exercise again during my visit to the doctor on Friday.  I let me skip yesterday while my chest muscles settled down, then this morning, I got up and ran my katas.  They were a bit unsteady and slow - but my muscles are happy for the first time in weeks.  (Exercise is a tough habit to kick cold-turkey, and they had NOT been happy with me.)  I'd woken up in a kind of grumpy mood; I felt slow and sluggish and blah.  Once I'd finished the exercise and stretching, the anti-depressant properties had kicked in - I was much happier, and able to face the day.  ** happy sigh **

and even had fun.  Had a great delayed birthday lunch with a good friend; the weather was beautiful; the car really is fun to drive - it's like driving a go-cart!

Soon, I'm hoping to have the energy to look up and attend one of those cancer survivor support group meetings.  I've been coping with a lot of changes this year; perhaps I can pick up an idea or two;  ideas to help me find my way down the hallway to the open door I know is there somewhere.

1 comment:

  1. Please don't fret. That might just have been the click of the door that you're about to walk your brave self through. I hate that plans have changed (is that a dream deferred?) but I selfishly love having you back in town. You can look back now and again but please spend most of your time looking forward. There are so many lovely surprises in store for you.