Thursday, January 29, 2015

And Waiting...

We have a date now for surgery - Feb 10th.
We have a place - the Mayo Clinic.
She fees more comfortable with the doctors at Mayo - when she talked to them, they listened and took her concerns seriously.  They proposed a treatment plan that takes her concerns into account and eased her fears. (Here's a cheer for the Mayo oncology team!)
So that's all set.
and still we wait.

I was restless last weekend, (have I mentioned I'm not good at waiting?) but managed to channel a lot of my restless energy into tile work.  I'm almost finished; another couple of hours of work will see it done!

I'd be done with all the grout if my fingertips hadn't given out on me.  I KNOW you're not supposed to smooth the grout with your fingers.  And definitely not the sanded caulk they have these days - that stuff is wicked rough on the skin - but I don't know how else to get it nice and smooth.  So, as I caulked and grouted, I cut little slits in my fingertips, one by one.  After the first one, I was able to just switch to the other hand, but after the second, I had to rethink.

So, I got out the band aids and the handy-dandy white waterproof tape Joe had tucked away.  I covered the cuts with band aids, then covered the bandages with tape.  Thus, I was able to keep going for quite some time - by the time I called it quits, I had seven of them under wraps. (If I were a true genius, I'd have covered my fingertips with the tape before cutting the bejezus out of them, but we all get these great ideas after it's too late, don't we?)

As I was lying in bed, fingers throbbing beneath their new clean coverings, I have to admit - it felt good to have made progress on something concrete.  I may not have finished, I may not have tackled it in the smartest manner, but at least I finished the day ahead of where I started.

Some days, I'll take what I can get.

(Four days later, the cuts are healing nicely - I'll be able to get back in there and finish up this weekend, I hope...)

Friday, January 16, 2015


So now, we wait.

We wait to see what they say at Mayo Clinic when she goes in for a second opinion next week.
We wait for the results of the genetic testing.
We wait for surgery to be scheduled based on the results of the above tests.

I'm not very good at waiting, but at the same time, I rarely wish for time to be fast-forwarded.  These next few months are an exception.

I know she will be fine at the end of the process, but I want to blur past the next month of waiting, the day when I will watch my daughter who feels perfectly fine show up for surgery that will scar her mind and body, the weeks of recovery, the weeks of radiation that will make her feel worse just when she begins to feel better.  I want to skip the part in the middle and jump to mid-May when she will be ready to get back to her previously scheduled life.

I don't know any parents who deal well with their children's suffering, no matter how old those children are when illness strikes.  I don't want to watch her hurt.  I don't want cancer to make her cry.  I don't, I don't, I DON'T!

I feel so helpless.  I can't fix it, I can't help to make it better.  All I can do is try to be there when she needs me; to give her space when she doesn't - and to tell the difference between the two.  (thus far, that's been a bit tricky...)

Can we please just make it be June now?
pretty please????

Friday, January 2, 2015

Happy New Year! - Part II

Kate's elf appeared again on New Year's Eve, and left the following notes, one typed on a small piece of paper:

Legends say that hummingbirds float free of time, carrying our hopes for love, joy and celebration.  The hummingbird's delicate grace reminds us that life is rich, beauty is everywhere, every personal connection has meaning and that laughter is life's sweetest creation.

The other, handwritten on an homemade card:

Dear Kate (& Alexandra)

There are small things in life that make me stop, breathe and realize how beautiful life and the world are!  I cannot tell you how grateful I am that everything was caught and that there is time for healing.  A Scare stops you and makes you realize a multitude of happy things & times in life.

I was in a car accident in 2008 that should've take my life or left me with handicaps.  My brain, legs to walk and arms to pick things up, my eyes to see beauty and stop in awe, the family I have to hug me and the friends I have who keep me laughing.  I had a traumatic brain injury and I fought!  I fought to recover, live on my own, return to college and graduate!!

You, Kate, fight and love and laugh!
You and your family have far to go!
Here is to 2015!!!!
Always ---- Namaste  --  xoxo, XMas Elf & NYE Firework
Hope.  Goodness.
I cried...