I realized that the events of the past eighteen months have shaken both my trust - in myself and in God, and my self-confidence - I don't trust myself to make the right decisions for myself.
As I once again reached out to God in wordless prayer, I moved to pass a truck on a long hill. I had to punch the accelerator, and as I reached the crest of the hill, my 'check engine soon' light started flashing. It stopped shortly after I eased off on the gas, but my heart was already pounding. I checked my gauges, all were fine. The engine was still running without a hitch, so I just kept going.
There I was, in the middle of God's country, on a beautiful road where I saw a passing car only once every ten minutes, if that. All sorts of scenarios started running through my mind; how far can I really ride my bike if I need to?
About thirty miles down the road, I came to a gas station. Across the street was an open NAPA Auto Parts store. Now, I don't know about you all, but as far as I'm concerned, it was the closest thing I was going to find to an open service station on a Saturday afternoon. I pulled in, and after checking the oil and transmission fluid levels (they were fine), went inside. I described what had happened to the war hero in a wheelchair behind the counter, and he said it was probably a clogged oxygen sensor or something like that. He offered to come out and put the code computer thingy on the van to see what it had to say. (Note to self: if you're going to have car trouble in eastern Wyoming, a Chevy truck is a good model to be driving...) I, of course, took him up on the offer, and he rolled on outside to take a look. The codes turned up clear - he even showed me the little green light that said nothing was wrong.
We went back in, and he sold me a can of expensive engine cleaner to put in my tank the next time I need gas - said, if it was a sensor, the stuff should clean it off. And if the problem was water in the gas line, or bad gas, it would take care of that, too.
I went on my way with my fears eased - and realized that God had answered my prayer.
I am not alone, even when it seems like I am. I can learn again to trust myself and my decisions and the road I'm on. It won't be trouble-free, but I will make it through. Baby steps....